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i love my friends and i love to live where i am living i hope with… - SORROW BY NAME AND SORROW BY NATURE [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
THE YOUNG MAN HELD A GUN TO THE HEAD OF GOD.

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[Dec. 21st, 2013|09:02 pm]
Sebastian
i love my friends and i love to live where i am living
i hope with all my heart i'll never have to return to where i was before

i read through my blog - my other blog - the things i said, like,
"loneliness begets loneliness. the more unloved i feel the more unloveable i become. i become tense and angry and cruel, i drink too much and take too many pills, i lie and accuse others, scream and cry and feel sorry for myself. i went to a seminar at my previous clinic when i was 17. they showed a diagram of reaction times and emotions and they said if you are under pain for a stretched out period of time that pain turns into anger instead. it all makes sense, but i don’t think i ever deserve to call my fickle emotions pain. it just feels like “life” abandoned me a long time ago and all i do is scratch and claw at the door. "

apparently if i hadn't thought about suicide for three days it was a good time.
it wasn't even that long ago, but it just feels so distant
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: rehgeist
2013-12-22 04:50 am (UTC)
This is good, good news!!

Interesting about the anger thing. I think I've suffered that same problem in the past, of turning pain into anger. What a shit thing to feel...
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