||[Dec. 21st, 2013|09:02 pm]
i love my friends and i love to live where i am living|
i hope with all my heart i'll never have to return to where i was before
i read through my blog - my other blog - the things i said, like,
"loneliness begets loneliness. the more unloved i feel the more unloveable i become. i become tense and angry and cruel, i drink too much and take too many pills, i lie and accuse others, scream and cry and feel sorry for myself. i went to a seminar at my previous clinic when i was 17. they showed a diagram of reaction times and emotions and they said if you are under pain for a stretched out period of time that pain turns into anger instead. it all makes sense, but i don’t think i ever deserve to call my fickle emotions pain. it just feels like “life” abandoned me a long time ago and all i do is scratch and claw at the door. "
apparently if i hadn't thought about suicide for three days it was a good time.
it wasn't even that long ago, but it just feels so distant